
What Six Looks Like
By: Jennifer Rowe Walters with the Huffington Post
However, since I first started to understand the magnitude of what
happened at Sandy Hook Elementary School on Friday morning, I have cried
a lot. I cried when I heard the terrible news. I cried when I went to
pick my son up early from school. I cried when I told my husband what
had happened. I cried when I talked to my girlfriends about it. I cried
at church when we prayed for each victim by name. Off and on for going
on three days now, I have cried. And this is despite going out of my way
to not watch anything about it on TV or read too much about it online.
I'm actively trying to avoid it, but I still find myself crying more
than usual.
I mentioned this to a friend last night and she said that she
couldn't seem to stop crying either. When I asked her why she thought
that was, her answer was, for me, a revelation. She said, "I think it's
because we know what six looks like. We see it every day... in all its
glory." And she was right. Because, you see, this friend and I both have
a six-year-old child. I, a six-year-old son. She, a six-year-old
daughter. Both are in first grade. Both, I imagine, so heart-breakingly
similar to those 20 kids who were so brutally and senselessly killed on
Friday morning. And we do, indeed, know what six looks like. We
do
see it every day. In all its glory. We see the good, the bad and the
ugly. The beautiful and the infuriating. It's in our face. We live it
and breathe it.
We know what six looks like. We know what it smells like. How it can
go from the fresh scent of shampoo and soap to the musky aroma of "dirty
child" in what seems like minutes. How it resists getting in the
bathtub... and then resists getting out half an hour later. How sweet
its hair and skin and clean jammies smell when it sits on your lap and
asks you to read it a bedtime story. We know the unmistakeable fragrance
of the occasional accident in the middle of the night caused by too
much milk and no last-thing-before-bed visit to the toilet.

We know what six looks like. We know what it sounds like. How it
cries and whines. How it sings and laughs. How clever it is and how much
more clever it grows every day. How it sounds out words on signs as we
drive past in the car and how happy it is when it gets them right. How
annoying it sounds when it teases its little sister and how kind it
sounds when it soothes her when she falls down and hurts herself. We
know how lovely the words "Mommy" and "Daddy" and "I Love You" sound in
its six-year-old voice.
We know what six looks like. We know how it tastes. How picky it is.
How it thinks chicken nuggets or macaroni and cheese are gourmet foods.
How much it loves candy and cookies. How it tolerates broccoli and
carrots. How it absolutely abhors Brussels sprouts. How it thinks French
fries are a vegetable. How it thinks chocolate milk was created by God
himself. How it thinks pizza is its own food group. We know that six is
happy when it finds "I love you!" written on a napkin in its lunch box
at school.
We know what six looks like. We know how it feels. How big it's
getting. How fast it outgrows its clothes and how it's no longer a baby,
but not quite yet a big kid. We know the weight of six in our arms. How
we can barely carry it anymore, but try anyway because we can't quite
bring ourselves to accept the truth. We know how easily six gets its
feelings hurt if someone says just the wrong thing or if this friend or
that one doesn't want to play with it or it gets in trouble at school.
We know the velvety softness of six's skin. We know the still-silkiness
of its hair.

Yes, we know what six looks like. We know six's gap-toothed smile and
its gangly arms and legs. We see how it jumps and dances. How it twirls
and runs. We know how funny six is. How absolutely charming it can be.
We know six's terrible jokes. We know how obsessed it is with
"Minecraft." We know its crooked "S" and its backwards "3." We see how
it teeters on the cusp of the world of books and all the joys of
reading, but how it's not quite ready to fall in yet. We see how six
can't decide if it wants us to stand beside it or not. We watch it take
two steps towards independence and one step back towards us every day.
We know how sturdy and strong six is... and yet how frail and fragile.
We know what six looks like. How beautiful it is. How precious. How
brightly it shines with promise. How much it looks towards the future...
toward 7,8,9... How much it looks like forever.
We know what six looks like and can only in our worst nightmares
imagine how devastating its loss in this senseless and evil way would
be. We can only barely imagine the wreckage and the despair and the
utter hopelessness that would be left if six were brutally and suddenly
taken from us. We know we couldn't bear life without it.
Yes, we know what six looks like. And we know that, to us -- like it
must be for those other mothers and fathers in Connecticut -- six is the
whole world.